Believe In Yourself

Okay ladies, this blog article is for you. There is an 80's song by Pebbles called "Mercedes." It was very popular at the time and is a sexual song about taking the guy for a ride in her Mercedes. I like the analogy though for the girl being the Mercedes. If more women treated themselves like a Mercedes, more men would treat them that way too. Women need to stop running around catering to men who behave badly. Women see what they want to see in men, not what is really presented in front of them. If they stopped giving so much for one moment to pay close attention, they'd see very quickly that more often than not, some of those guys just don't appreciate them. Through the years I have seen countless examples of very angry women who finally hit their boiling point after many years of bending over backwards for the men they love. You see, as women, we give to others what we want in return. We tend to be nurturers, so we play nice, do sweet things for others and will drop everything to help someone in need. Some men do not play by those rules. When I talk with the men, they are often shocked as to why their wives are so upset. Some of the men have gladly allowed their wives to cater to them, getting defensive when the women can't take it anymore. This can happen early on in a relationship, establishing a pattern that carries on for years. Some of the men are genuinely upset when they realize that their marriages may be over at that point, but some couples just cannot recover. This is a wake up call for all of you nice, over nurturing women. Give the extra nurturing you have to your girlfriends because they will give some back to you. As for men, they don't really need you to bend over backwards for them but they'll gladly let you do all of the work at home or in the relationship if you think that you are suppose to. As a society, we girls are raised to take care of others and make sure everyone is happy. More often than not, we witnessed mothers catering to husbands and brothers. I have watched women from every walk of life do ridiculous things for their partners. The over doing it includes: buying piles of presents for them on every holiday, running around town to find their mates favorite foods, cooking 4 course meals and wearing hot nighties every possible chance. It's great when couples do considerate things for each other.....but the key words there are "for each other." Women sell themselves short when it comes to men and begin feeling under appreciated when the guys start taking all of those sweet behaviors for granted. They will appreciate you more when you do less. Women begin to feel like their mates do not care about them when the effort in the relationship is seriously off kilter. Some of those guys really do care but only get it when the woman is handing them the pink slip. This imbalance in relationships only gets worse when children are involved because these care taking women give every ounce of themselves to everyone else and have nothing left for themselves. Why are so many men and women allowing this destructive cycle? Why are so many men soaking up all of the care taking while their partners are exhausted, crying, frazzled and desperately needing help? Is it any wonder that many women often get to a point when they no longer see their mates as sexually attractive, they view them more like their children. As for the women, why are they perpetuating this cycle by continuing to reward bad behavior? If your child throws a plate of food on the floor, do you say, "It's okay sweetie, I'll make you another one." Oh sure, those gals may be cursing their husbands under their breath but they do not halt the behavior. Let's rewind to the beginning. Usually you can see the dynamic beginning to build during the dating process. Ladies, do not cater to their every whim while you are dating. Yes, be sweet but let them learn to cater to you first. The dynamic should be one of reciprocal give and take. If you are giving and they are taking, then the balance is already off. At that point, pull back and give nothing until the balance is restored. If the guy refuses to do anything once you pull back, then you received the answer you needed, that he'll only take. That should be your cue to leave the relationship. Many men will step up and correct the imbalance once you let them know through your behavior that you will not be allowing it any more. Often those men grew up in homes where they saw their moms catering to their dads and they thought that was normal. There needs to be a new normal because I witness this destructive pattern all of the time. Women need to improve their self worth to value themselves enough to set much needed limits, to allow men to do for themselves and to never allow others to treat them badly. No relationship is worth your self respect. You should also never feel "lucky" to have a guy, you should always feel worthy and perhaps happy to have found each other. Men need to work on their self esteem too. Some need to address why they have anger problems, end up detached from their children or would treat women they say they "love" terribly. Women, get ready for this one.... you are number one! Regardless of the brainwashing you have been told, you should come first in front of everyone else. I hear so many nice women say they feel "selfish" about putting themselves on the list, let alone first. You have to take care of yourself, otherwise you have nothing left for anyone else. I'm not saying that you have to be mean, nasty or self centered about it, just make yourself a priority. You will respect yourself more for it and so will men. If your relationship shatters because you take care of yourself, then the relationship wasn't worth hanging onto. Relationships need to get back to partnerships where men and women respect one another and work together. For all you guys who are considerate, caring partners, keep up the good work. So ladies, never forget that you are a top of the line Mercedes. Take care of yourself, find yourself and show others that you value who you are. More importantly, guide some of that wonderful nurturing back onto yourself. You've been believing in others your entire life.....it's time to believe in you!