In the Shadows

“To rid ourselves of our shadows - who we are - we must step into either total light or total darkness"...(Jeremy Preston Johnson). I have had an adventurous past week or so, traveling from Lake Arrowhead to Yosemite. For the week long trip to Yosemite, I had my two sisters with me as well as six kids. I lead the six kids in a trip every summer we appropriately call, "The Cousins Trip." Last summer the cousins trip was on the East Coast to New York City and the Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York. This was my first trip to Yosemite, but I can guarantee that it will be the first of many trips there. Yosemite is breathtaking and spectacular. I have been home from the trip for two days now, pondering all of the lessons I have learned lately, both during the cousins trip and after. Last night I was sitting in my car, combing through pictures on my iPhone, before heading into the movie -"Eat, Pray, Love." I was listening to my iPod and a song I've heard many times over the the past several weeks played. It is a song by Leona Lewis about having a broken heart but at the end of the song there is this long pause. Again, I've played the song hundreds of times over the past month, but I just thought the pause was a glitch, so I'd hit the forward button to go to the next song. I never waited out the pause before but sitting in my car, distracted by the photos, something miraculous occurred. I wasn't paying attention to the pause and suddenly a song starts playing that I have never heard. It startled me because the song is so beautiful and speaks about love and passion. I wondered where the song came from and realized it is a hidden gem for hiding in the shadows of a song about loss is an untitled, part B....just waiting to be discovered. The beauty of the song is that to hear it, you must listen to the first song and then wait out a several minute pause, but it's worth it. I was delighted by my discovery. The song about love hidden in the shadows is a beautiful lesson that reflects my past week. First, the cousins trip is a wonderful, yet challenging experience when you put seven to nine family members together. There are always some disagreements, fights and negotiations. It's one thing to motivate my own three kids to hike, but quite another ordeal to get all six of them to willingly set foot on a trail. I usually feel like part cheerleader and part drill Sargent on these trips. The peanut butter and jelly is not enough to motivate them, so I usually have to sweeten the deal with promises of ice cream and soda, once they complete the hike. Lots of bribing usually occurs but my goal to complete a hike is usually fulfilled. Being with both of my sisters is always interesting because we are all so different. I won't lie, we may have fought more than the children did. We may not always agree but when all is said in done, we love each other very much. It's the same with the kids, I watch them all laugh, play and hug, when they don't realize anyone is watching. As with all families, seemingly lost in the shadows is love, that lies silent, waiting patiently to be discovered. When I was frustrated during the trip, I would reflect while on top of a mountain and connect back to the love I feel for all of my family, knowing that we are all different yet the same. It is so interesting to note that I never feel alone when I am on top of a mountain, even if I hiked it by myself. I feel so connected to all that is, to god, to the people I love and to nature when I am staring out across the miles. It is an amazing feeling of peace to be on top of a mountain that is absolutely overwhelming. Back in my car last night, after listening to the hidden song, I went in to see - "Eat, Pray, Love." I feel like I am somewhat like the main character in the movie, except with three children and instead of Bali it's California. The character divorces her husband and through her pain, she finds herself and even finds love again. The song hiding in the shadows is symbolic for the me I had to find over the past year, the part of me that had been lost in the shadows. It is also symbolic for hope, a message for me to be patient, for we all must remember that hidden gems surprise you when you least expect it. I know now that many things await me on my journey, some things that are obvious and many that I will discover along the way. The things in the shadows are the people and experiences that can delight us with the promise of hope when we are distracted or feeling confused. I love how life offers up the messages we need at just the right time. So don't always look at life at face value....it's in the shadows that new things will be brought to light, which illuminates the promise that life will amaze and astonish us, when the moment is right.