Lost and Found

“How much of human life is lost in waiting"...(Ralph Waldo Emerson). I arrived this evening in Lake Arrowhead, one of my very favorite places to visit. One year ago, I was visiting family and friends in Southern California, unsure about what my future would be and I made my usual trip to Lake Arrowhead then too. I honestly cannot believe how much my life has changed from one year ago. This morning as I walked out of my new house to run to Starbucks, the enormity of it all hit me like a tidal wave crashing upon the shore. I became tearful momentarily as the entire year flashed before my eyes. They were tears of joy of having pulled off what seemed impossible one year ago. Last year while visiting Lake Arrowhead, I was vaguely aware of bubbling feelings that were emerging, signifying that changes needed to be made in my life, but feeling overwhelmed by what I needed to confront and change. I was so lost one year ago and wading in semi-deep waters wondering if I should stay stuck or dive into the depths of the unknown, risking everything. When we feel that things are impossible, we are suppose to let go and trust that somehow....someway, it will all work out. I had many lessons in trust over the past year. Sure, I had moments of pure panic and overwhelming anxiety, feeling as if I was drowning and that I was in over my head. Usually though, I would be able to reign my worry back in as lightening fast as I possibly could. I try not to let my fears take over...but I am human and fear would occasionally flop around me like a fish struggling to get back into the water after being caught. Once acknowledged, I would throw the fear back where it came, allowing it to swim away and trust would take over again. We all get worried sometimes when things that scare us just seem so darn overwhelming. Fear is a gauge to help us understand a bit more about what buttons are being pushed and when we are heading into new and unfamiliar territory. I'd rather feel fear occasionally than playing it safe all the time. Fears let me know that I'm a risk taker, willing to head into uncharted territory. I feel happier than ever, knowing that I did not let fear stop me. I made some of the biggest changes in my life and here I sit in Lake Arrowhead, feeling as if I could swim across the lake without needing a life preserver, trusting now that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to. I found in being lost...I was actually finding my way and allowing new strengths and capabilities to emerge. All of the people I affected by the changes I made are finding their way too. My kids seem so happy being in California. They have learned that change is healthy and necessary. They were understandably upset at first about the move from Connecticut to California as well as the fact that their parents are going through a divorce. They are growing and learning that changes do not have to be traumatic. They are observing a happier mom and seeing that life can be an adventure filled with new experiences. So many people let fears stop them from making important changes and all that usually causes is more pain for everyone involved. People absolutely delude themselves into thinking that staying stuck avoids pain...that could not be further from the truth. So reel in your fears too and throw them back to where they came and make those changes in your life required for your optimal growth. Never let fear stop you, otherwise you risk being caught by the same net that many others do, staying captured endlessly in the sea of doubt. "Lost time is never found again"...(Benjamin Franklin). Don't waste time being captured by fears....there is no time like the present to free yourself and head toward the future of your dreams.