The Mack Truck

"God created sex. Priests created marriage"...(Voltaire). "The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast"...(Gabriel García Márquez). Now, I agree with that last quote but most people in marriages would be quite happy if there was some sex going on and a decent sex life just might help in the rebuilding process. Do sex and marriage honestly go hand in hand together? Of course, a healthy marriage generally consists of good sex...a disconnected marriage generally has little to no sex. Some would joke that a sexless marriage might be considered normal. I would argue that point, although there is some truth to the sarcasm about how people who are married tend to have less sex. I remember being at a wedding before I got married and all of the married couples were downing their drinks, joking about how sex flies out the window after getting married. I laughed with them, hoping that they were really just kidding. They weren't kidding. What happens to sex in marriages? People often tell me in sessions that sex was good while dating, then all but disappears once they say "I do." Hmmm, I didn't know the vows secretly say, "till death do us part, I agree to a passionless marriage without the beauty and fun of a good sex life." If you look at it that way, the "I do" sounds more like a "Guilty" and then a prison sentence. I like the idea that a marriage should be more like a soul mate union versus a cell mate situation. I didn't know handcuffs were attached to the white dress, lol. Okay, handcuffs could be fun however as long as it's restricted to role playing. Here is my philosophy in a nutshell. Sex is easy, like riding a tandem bike. Marriage is hard, kind of like driving a Mack truck with two people at the wheel. So, since marriage is difficult...sex is no longer easy and eventually the Mack truck runs over the tandem bike, crushing it beneath it's wheels. The truck didn't mean to run over the tandem bike. The bike represented something the couple use to enjoy but navigating a Mack truck with two drivers through many obstacles is no easy task. The Mack truck veered off course and as both people fought over directions, cargo and speed....the poor tandem bike got neglected and just wasn't being cherished any longer. With poor visibility, the Mack truck squashes the bike and thus....sex and the tandem bike become collateral damage. "Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine"...(Honore de Balzac). Rephrased, the monster....two people fighting to control that truck loaded up with obligations, schedules, pressures, family, health issues, and more becomes a routine that devours everything in its path, including the couple. The beauty of lessons however is that couples can work on taking back their lives...sometimes together and sometimes apart. Perhaps marriages should be more like a Mack truck with a student driver steering wheel next to the real steering wheel. Maybe couples should take turns at the wheel, so that when one gets tired or can no longer see the road, the other one takes over. If couples stopped fighting over who is in charge and co-piloted together, perhaps they would have better control of their vehicle. In addition, it's never advised that one partner in a marriage hands over the wheel entirely, letting one person be in complete control, (yet both resenting) that only one person is driving. The word partnership implies equality and two people working together. In a partnership, one person does not bark orders or berate the other either. That is not a respectful partnership and the Mack truck will run over more than a tandem bike in that scenario. Even better though is that the partnership consists of love and nurturing so that sometimes one could just rest and sleep with complete trust and faith that the other person is keeping things going. On that note, the couple should so cherish their tandem bike that their truck is fitted with a bike rack. In addition, the couple can make sure there is room in the cargo area for individual bikes, so as to always maintain their individuality and sense of freedom on their journey together. It's healthy and necessary for individuals to head off on bike rides alone sometimes (metaphorically speaking), to take in new vista's and gain some new perspective on life, to share with their co-pilot. Back to sex and marriage and driving Mack trucks...hey no easy feat to navigate but people should keep on trying anyway. "For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked"...(Bill Cosby). "Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join"...(Elbert Hubbard).