Heart Matters

"Above all else, guard your heart for it affects everything else you do"...(Proverbs 4:23). I have written so much over the past year and a half about the importance of following your heart...but I think that I got so caught up leading with an open heart, I forgot to mention that we also must protect our hearts. Most of the time, the challenge for people is to work on their defenses so that they can be more in tune and in line with their hearts. Once people are in tune with their hearts, the next lesson is to address, observe and push through natural defenses when one feels vulnerable. Hey, feeling vulnerable is our hearts way of saying that we have entered the deeper waters of emotional risk. Like learning how to swim, when a child has the skills to survive yet somehow feels incredibly vulnerable swimming across the deep end for the first time. You become increasingly aware that the water is very deep, it is risky and you could drown...but you kick and paddle until your confidence or sheer will takes over and you get to the other side. The same thing occurs in the ocean when you swim through the enormous waves to get to deeper waters. The waves are scary at first, tossing you around until you finally get to the other side, where the water is calmer, yet still deep and requires courage to stay there. Emotional connection is similar. Clients tell me all of the time how scary it is when they are entering a new relationship and they are feeling excited, yet scared that have entered the deep end of the abyss. They want to keep swimming but fear that some unknown current will pull them under. Of course, I feel the same way when I am feeling vulnerable. My dreams usually help me work out any fears that pop up, but we all must surrender to the process that to follow our hearts, we must be willing to be vulnerable. Protecting the heart is important too, but we cannot build massive barriers....that is not protection, that only leads to isolation. I think that protecting the heart is more like taking risks with increased awareness and occasional caution. Sometimes, even a broken heart is a necessary lesson though. How else are we to learn the value of a real connection if misleading ones had not occurred? My protection now is an inner resiliency, which acts like a life preserver that sits on the sidelines as a security blanket, just in case. I know now that I have the strength to survive any wound my heart might endure, even if I end up out of breath occasionally and left treading water or under extreme conditions, needing the life preserver to pull me out. Either way, I'll be okay. I'd rather take the leap into the deep end when my heart says to jump. Oh sure, sometimes I jumped, learned a needed lesson and worked my way back to shallow waters realizing that the relationship was a quick lesson in pacing, trust or garnering a new perspective. Either way, my skills always get stronger with each leap that I make. Many people are spectators, sitting in lounge chairs observing the action, alone and fearful. Hey, even if one is afraid, just wade in the shallow waters for a bit until confidence and courage grows to the point of venturing into deeper emotional waters. The first step though is taken by just putting one toe into the water. "Let your heart be your compass, your mind your map, your soul your guide...and you will never get lost"....(Author Unknown). "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing"...(Helen Keller).