Just A Dream

My kids influence my music choices sometimes. Yesterday, they insisted that we listen to the top 10 songs on an XM station. The number 2 song this week is "Just A Dream," by Nelly. I love all types of music and hear some incredibly inspiring words in pop, rap and reggae music. Even Tupac had some interesting things to say about his observances and experiences of life. I loved the song by Nelly instantly. It's about losing somebody you love because you didn't perhaps give the relationship your all and how lost he feels without her. Lessons in love often deal with heartache. People's defenses keep them all armoured up and affect how much love they can give and receive. How much armour is enough? I have found that culture as well as upbringing and even the location you live affects how much armour you have. People also use vices as armour, which are very prevalent in our society. So many women have disclosed to me how they used control as their armour. Many women fear being vulnerable, often for good reason after being exploited and hurt by men in their past. Our history has also suppressed women which is why the women's lib set out to make women stronger. The problem is that women mistake being in control as power. Being dominant is masculine and yet women end up frustrated in relationships because they yearn for the man to be a man but can't let go of needing control. That will only lead to a power struggle. It's healthy for a woman to resolve their internal power struggle and to find her voice and her confidence. Once a woman truly owns her masculine side, then and only then can she be confident being feminine. It actually takes great strength for a woman to step back and to allow a man to be the man in a relationship. Now, some men are weak and don't want to be in charge. They may complain about dominant women, but secretly keep attracting them because it's what they can handle. A truly confident man will walk away from a woman who tries to dominate him. Some women want docile, compliant men and fear a strong partner, so they keep attracting men who are submissive. A truly strong woman would never want to dominate a man....she is soft on the outside and fiercely strong on the inside. A strong man has made peace with his feminine side (his emotions)....he exudes masculinity but never seeks to dominate a woman because he truly adores the feminine spirit. Back to why both men and women lose people they love because they were just too defensive and guarded to give the partnership their all. Upon reflection, you learn the valuable lessons about why you were too afraid to be vulnerable to give and receive love. It's the ultimate life lesson and one of which may take continued reflection for many to process. In the meantime, like Nelly sings about in his song....lost opportunities in love are just like dreams, there to remind you of your fears, of possibilities and to help you grow. The final lesson? Well, like the local mountains recently which were magnificently snow covered for less than a month....once the snow melted however we are left with only a glimmer of a memory that snow ever topped those mountains. Much like a dream or a past relationship that remains with us as a picture in our minds....still beautiful and a reminder that the past is our greatest teacher. The lesson, to hopefully not make the same mistake next time....so that our hopes and dreams can become a reality.