A Different Time

"Do you believe in computer dating?...Only if the computers really love each other." -- (Groucho Marx). My seven year old daughter informed me that she has a book report due, but was behind on reading the book. I asked her to pull out the book and after I read the first chapter to her, she continued by reading out loud to me. The book is called "Sarah, Plain and Tall," written by Patricia MacLachlan. The book explores themes of loneliness and abandonment and is set in the western United States during 1910. The father in the story orders a mail order bride via an ad in a newspaper, since he is raising two children alone after his wife died many years earlier. While listening to the story, I was struck by the obvious and stark differences of life, less than 100 years ago. It's hard to believe, but in those days there was no Match.com, Internet dating or very many dating choices for that matter. There was enormous delayed gratification, since letters between him and his prospective bride took a lot of time to go back and forth. In these days of Internet dating, people have unlimited choices on the web sites. In some ways, people seem to take that for granted and people become replaceable and interchangeable. One guy told me that thanks to Internet dating, he could have a different date every night of the week. That idea seems kind of sad to me. I mean, the heck with really getting to know somebody then, because you can just head back online and have another date lined up with another person. It makes the whole thing seem a bit shallow. In a way though, we should value the fact that we really do have choices these days and can take our time to find the right partner and the internet does offer an easier way to meet people. With that said though, because people have so many options, they can believe that there may always be someone better and so with the click of a mouse, hundreds of new profiles pop up. I have enjoyed getting to know different men online but again, the experience of it all seems kinda empty sometimes. The Internet is the new bar scene for sure. Everyone jokes how impersonal the bar scene is but I would argue that online dating is not so different. At least in the bar, you get a real feel for who the person is, even if it is somewhat shallow. Online, people can claim to be whomever they want to be, they can hide behind facades, pictures and words and they can remain the best online boyfriend ever, yet never be able to really be that in person. Hey, maybe that's not a bad idea actually. I can just have an online boyfriend...or maybe 7 at the same time, one for every day of the week (lol). That way, I can get attention whenever I want and I don't ever have to get dressed up or worry about their annoying habits. Seriously though, in some ways people can never match up to the persona they create online. One guy writes in his profile that he is not interested in stretching out the e-mail communication and wants to meet as soon as possible, since expectations get built too high through too much virtual communication. I couldn't agree with him more! In general, I believe expectations in dating or in relationships should be realistic, not overblown and unreal. The thing I loved about the story "Sarah, Plain and Tall," is the simplicity of just getting to know somebody. The expectations were based in real life....not wanting to be alone, wanting to share a life with a partner and mutual needs. Sometimes our society puts these high expectations on everyone and feeds this idea of perfection, more is better and that people are expendable and replaceable. I prefer to really see how unique every individual is although chemistry still remains a must for me. My approach to dating is more open minded these days and thanks to my daughter reading to me last night, I'm going to remember to just enjoy the process. "I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog"...(Wendy Leibman).