Facing Fears

Five years ago, I wrote a blog article called "Fake it until you make it." At the time, I had written it about my journey as a camp counselor but now I realize that the motto has carried me through the past five years as well. I believe that faking it until making it is the key to becoming more confident. You cannot conquer fear by learning enough, studying enough, or waiting until you are confidence. Of course, I do not want to minimize the value in studying or researching. We want our doctor's to be educated but even doctors learn while being interns. I know many people that have tons of certificates and diploma's yet are completely overwhelmed by fears and insecurities. You become confident by saying yes to opportunities when your fears are screaming "NO!." You conquer your fears by simply living bravely and experiencing things that you had never experienced before. Trust me, every time I took on a new role, one that was a bit intimating, my fears were nudging me, while my mouth said "yes" and committed to take it on. I was scared every single time and often sat up nights, wondering how I was going to pull it off and thinking, "what the heck did I get myself into." Every time I felt that, a voice in my head reminded me that it meant I was bravely facing the unknown and that my fears and insecurities would fade once I learned the ropes and became more confident in what I had taken on. Every single time, on some deeper level, I knew that I was on the right path by heading into my fears rather than letting my fears control me. On every occasion that I faced my fears, I did grow as a person and eventually, my fears had less and less reign. Four years ago, my area Girl Scout service unit needed a new service unit manager. At every meeting for several months, they would beg for a volunteer to step up and take on the manager role, but nobody would. I was new to the area and I had led my Girl Scout troop, but I had never held a service unit role before and it seemed a bit daunting to jump straight into the lead role. I hesitated and waited, hoping someone else would take the position. Finally, I let the council representative know that I'd gladly take any other role on, but she gently reminded me that the service unit was in desperate need of a new service unit manager. Without thinking further, I blurted out "okay, I'll take the position." I felt overwhelmed with fear almost immediately, but I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I would figure it out, I always do. It was funny to see the reaction from some of the board members and troop leaders that next fall at my first service unit meeting as manager. They were in shock and bit baffled, since I was the new leader in the area after having moved from the east coast. They were outwardly saying.."Denise who?" I was off and running and I did figure it out. Along the way that fall, I was told there was no day camp serving Girl Scouts in Thousand Oaks...so again without hesitating, I said, "I'll start one." I had never run a day camp before, let alone starting one from scratch, but my "fake it until you make it motto" kept repeating in my head pushing me onward. Those moments make me smile now because I was afraid, in fact terrified at times, but I didn't let that stop me. I pushed on until my fears abated. I will not let fear hold me back, that is just not an option. Fear propels me forward and helps me embrace teaching opportunities for myself. I learned how to manage a service unit by saying yes. I started a day camp that benefits over 300 girls and boys each summer, all because I didn't like that a day camp of it's kind didn't exist. I said yes when many people would have said no way, or they would have hidden in the back of the room, hoping someone else would do it. I also push myself to get better at those roles, to assess myself continually to improve in all of my roles as mom, partner, friend, therapist, service unit manager, teacher and camp director. I've said no to opportunities as well, not out of fear though, only because I'm trying not to stretch myself too thin. I still won't hesitate to jump in and take on a new event or new opportunity though if it's something that sounds fun. Mostly, if fear nudges at me now...I know it's something I should say yes to because It's probably a great opportunity for me to learn something new. I view fear or something that I might not know how to do as a challenge, an invitation to take it on. I must add that faking it until you make it isn't a false bravado or arrogance. That type of person lacks appropriate fear and thinks they know everything. That is not confidence, it's over inflated self and they could use a bit of appropriate fear to humble them a bit. Confidence is something that comes from experience and only comes from reigning in your fears until you are the driver of the chariot and nothing can stop you, certainly not your fears because fear cannot keep up with someone who is the master of their own life.