The Freedom of Forgiveness

One of the toughest lessons for many people is forgiveness. Why is it so hard for people to forgive? Somehow it feels protective to just hold out and say, I will not forgive. It gives one a false sense of control. The only one who suffers from that is you. People ask me all of the time, "how can I ever get over the pain I have been through." Forgive. The person who has hurt you is responsible for their own journey. Let yourself forgive, thereby giving your emotions the permission to heal. One client said to me recently, "how can I forgive when my ex-husband is a terrible father to my kids." You can forgive. That father will pay the price in his lack of relationship with his kids. His journey will reveal his lessons. Let the anger go and free yourself by forgiving. Another client said he'd hate his mom forever. Who is that tormenting, him or his mother? That may feel like punishment, but again, who pays the price for that. The act of hating or lack of forgiveness keeps you in the victim role. It is just a story that you have told yourself and now as "the victim" you have to keep holding onto pain and blame, to keep the story going. Forgive.......let go of the pain and the story is no longer part of you. Each perceived hurt anchors the story. You define your story, so re-write it with a different ending. Refuse to be the victim. The victim says, he or she did this to me and I cannot forgive them for it. Don't let the victim anchor those stories around you. Everyone has been hurt, yet each person has the ability to choose to free themselves from their stories and redefine their lives. Forgiveness is healing for everyone! "Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule (Buddha)." We teach children to get along, to say they are sorry and to not hold grudges. Why can't adults practice what they preach? For every hurt you perceive has been done to you, someone else may perceive that you have done to them! Feel the pain, but don't hold onto it indefinitely. Review why you keep holding onto the hurt and why your are afraid to let it go, then practice forgiving each and every day, until it becomes easier. While you are at it, forgive yourself too. If you are holding out and not forgiving others, then chances are that you are not forgiving yourself for your own behaviors. Ultimately, love is the only answer. Love yourself, love others and send love to your pain and to your lack of forgiveness. "I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love".... (Mother Teresa).