Don't Take It Personally

It is incredibly difficult for me to understand how people, even when they are grown and way beyond the high school years, still act as if they are adolescents. I am talking about adults gossipping, being mean, alienating others and being just plain spiteful. I come across quite a few adults, many of whom are parents, who display the behaviors they chastise their kids for, and they behave worse than their children. What happened to the old fashioned rules, be nice, play fair, get along, appreciate differences and work together. Okay, not everyone is going to agree, but opinions can be shared in a way that respects everyones feelings. I love the Buddha quote, "The thought manifests as the word; The word manifests as the deed; The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care, And let it spring from love Born out of concern for all beings." I can always tell when people are back biting or being fake. It comes with my intuition....I just don't miss a thing now. I can read people very easily. What I can say is trust your gut and if it screams to get away from someone, then listen. Our intuitive selves try to protect us, so don't easily dismiss that internal voice when it tries to warn you about harmful people. Also, try to follow Don Miguel Ruiz's rule from The Four Agreements, don't take anything personally. He says that nothing others do is because of you. What others do and say is actually a projection of their own reality. Here is an example of projection. I counseled a couple this week. During the session, the husband gave countless examples of how he believes the wife does things to get back at him. Example after example, he spoke about situations where he "projected" that she did things to be mean and how she lied to him and just wanted control. The wife's jaw was on the floor. She couldn't believe he thought that about her. The projection.....what he was seeing in her was himself! The truth was, he was the one that would retaliate with mean and cruel behavior, and we caught him in several lies. When people seem to have it out for you, take a step back and try to see the situation clearly. When people blame and criticize you, try to assess where it is coming from. Often, when you just cannot understand where it is coming from, it is projection, plain and simple. Another client kept calling his spouse selfish. After some investigating, it was actually the husband who was acting selfishly. He projected and blamed others for a behavior he did not want to see in himself. The answer to my own question, why do people act terribly to others.....they are behaving out of their own pain and their inability to see themselves clearly. They run around projecting, thus blaming everyone. So buffer yourself from projections. Try not to engage in their blame game and know yourself enough to accurately assess your own part in any discussion or argument. Know thyself is the eternal rule. If you are operating out of good intentions, fair behavior and love in your heart, then you will be fairly immune to the endless projections swirling around you. We cannot change other peoples behavior, but we can start with ourselves, by not taking it personally and operating with integrity.