The Voice Within

There are people dealt very difficult life lessons and abuse is one of the most difficult experiences an individual will endure. I counsel a 25 year old, I'll call her Hannah. She suffers from depression and anxiety and is so medicated on mood stabilizers, that all she wants to do is sleep all day. She was severely abused physically and emotionally by her alcoholic father until she was 15. He stopped beating her when she stood up to him and threatened to call the police if he touched her again. The father finally left home soon after that incident and she has had no contact with him in years. As a child, she often took beatings that were meant for her younger sister as well, because she wanted to protect her. Her best friend recently committed suicide and she feels especially guilty about not being able to stop it from happening. As you can see, there are a whole host of issues this young woman is struggling with. Primary issues are lack of self worth from the severe abuse growing up, guilt from the loss of her friend, and overall helplessness and lack of trust in life. She also has dreams of becoming a nurse and is currently enrolled in nursing school. Hannah says she wants to be able to help others. The struggle she faces every day, negative messages she repeats to herself, that she is worthless, terrible and not good enough. The clarity, she stood up to the abuser and he left....but he still remains in her head. The journey, to take her life back and to exile the abuser once and for all. Everyone has those voices from childhood in their heads of the mean, critical, withholding adult or parent. With abuse, the voice is especially harsh and relentless. Her work begins with becoming more aware of that inner voice and to stop it from repeating untruths. As awareness increases, she needs to tell the internalized dad to go away, much like the moment she stood up to him and told him that he would never hurt her again. The journey is in her head now and begins with awareness. As she works on eliminating the abuser in her head, the work focuses on increasing the positive things about her self worth. Even with all of that abuse, she was able to eventually stand up to her abuser, protect her sister, and wants to help others. The abuser was not able to completely squash her spirit.....because her inner light still shines through. She also has incredible compassion, telling me that from the abuse, she learned that she would never want to hurt another human being. The journey of becoming empowered is in her hands now. As an adult, she is free from the abuser, but needs to free herself from the abuser in her head. I had her write down all of the negative things the abuser said and did to her on a piece of paper and then, burn it. The symbolism, taking her life back by releasing the messages from the past. I reminded her that she was born loving and innocent to the world. The words and deeds the abuser did to her were not her fault and nobody ever deserves that behavior. She is on a journey now to remember who she really is in her heart, and to transform all of that pain into light. The abuser does not have to define her self worth any more....it's time for him to be banished, once and for all. As for trust in life, that will come in time as she learns to value herself. No matter how difficult the lessons may be, the journey remains about finding ones way, regaining faith and trust in life, one day at a time......