I Forgive You

"Forgiveness is the giving, and so the receiving, of life"...(George MacDonald). Today's blog article is going to be simple and to the point. I know that most people complain about their family and friends incessantly. Come on, don't deny it...most everyone is guilty of listing the wrongs done to them by family members, spouses, neighbors, bosses, co-workers and friends. While waiting at Starbuck's today, I listened to a woman on her cell phone complain endlessly about her deadbeat ex-husband and every sorted detail about him, including how dinner with his kids does not constitute custodial care. It was kinda funny though because I could tell in how this woman was talking and in how nasty she was about him, that forgiveness would be the last "F" word that would ever enter her mind about him. So, complaining often comes as venting behind people's backs and other times, people just outright complain in front of people, acting grumpy and cranky. A little bit of venting can be healthy especially when it helps you process issues and to reflect about how to handle a situation. A caution though is to be aware to whom you are venting because the wrong person can actually  make you feel angrier or more slighted. Some people love to fuel the fire so to speak, so pick the people you vent to very carefully. It's often best to offer little to no advise and to just let the person blow off some steam. Actually, the only guidance necessary is to help the person be proactive. Meaning, if the person is angry at their spouse, guide them to tell their spouse how they feel rather than stewing behind the scenes. Just wait though, often when we tell people directly how we feel, they get defensive and retaliate. Thus is the art of communication. It's a process and Rome wasn't built in a day. Most people have never been taught to communicate authentically. As far as forgiveness goes, forgiving someone often helps you forgive yourself. Often people blame themselves for putting up with bad behavior or they personalize the behavior, rather than identifying their own part in the struggle. "Keep a fair-sized cemetery in your back yard, in which to bury the faults of your friends"...(Henry Ward Beecher). Bury each self defeating complaint about yourself while you are at it and then the gift of forgiveness is not only what you offer others but the best gift you can give yourself. "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong"...(Mahatma Gandhi). 

Busted Heart

"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know"...(Blaise Paschal). I am pretty intuitive, yet reasoning of the heart still alludes me. There is so much more to our journey's than meet the eye. Our lessons are numerous and often things are unfolding in our lives in an order and manner in which only the Universe may understand. I suppose that is to teach us faith and to enjoy the element of surprise, wonder and learn to appreciate the unexpected. I hear people plead out loud, but "why?." That is the universal question. If you keep asking why however, then you miss the opportunity to learn from that very moment. The maze looks unclear when you are in the middle of it. From above however, it all makes sense and the path looks crystal clear. Our hearts are our navigation system...it's on automatic pilot if you just trust that it is navigating us precisely where we are meant to be at any given moment. Even when you override your navigation, question things and head in the wrong direction for a bit...whose to say that is the "wrong" way? Maybe that was the exact lesson you needed to show you that you need to trust your heart once and for all. All of those seemingly wrong turns may lead us in circles or to a dead end sometimes, but each time we end up stronger and hopefully more in tune to our hearts. Lesson after lesson, through the maze we go....and so our search continues. Part of our hearts journey is mending our broken hearts. Everyone has a busted heart really. "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"...(Kahlil Gibran). Each one of us have wounds from love...that's the proof that we love. It's like the badges I give my Girl Scouts for mastering some skill, our wounded hearts are our badges of honor. If someone does not have a broken heart, then I say that perhaps they have never risked themselves on love or that they have a different kind of broken heart, one shrouded in isolation and fear. Others use their wounded hearts as a shield to create excuses to hold onto anger and blame. As I sit here reflecting....I wonder if our busted hearts are our biggest lesson of all, beckoning us to heal by continuing to love. Our busted hearts teach us to cherish love and ourselves by allowing love to blossom within us against all odds. That way, even when we feel stuck in our maze, perhaps on a path that offers many challenges.... we display a strong faith by loving, even as we may be falling down. Again, it's our own universal navigation, letting us know that we are truly never lost...and never so hurt that we can't get back up again. Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light"...(Jean Giraudoux).

Slow Fade

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life"...(Proverbs 4:23). I am now back in California and I came across a song I had never heard before called "Slow Fade" by Casting Crowns. While I was hiking, I listened to it several times and was struck by the accuracy of the words. Part of the lyrics are: "It's a slow fade, when you give yourself away. It's a slow fade, when black and white turn to gray....thoughts invade, choices made, a price will be paid when you give yourself away. People never crumble in a day.....because it's a slow fade." I can relate fully to the message in this song. As much as I have learned over the course of my life, I discovered that some lessons may need to be repeated. Sometimes it takes us several times to really "get it." My most recent fade was luckily short lived. I don't regret some choices I have made over the past six months. I have learned tremendously and hopefully have a deeper compassion for myself and others. I re-approached some things differently and can now say that I have given some old issues a new and better perspective. With that said however, some things can never be fixed, nor are they necessarily meant to be. I know myself...and whenever I try to tell myself what I "should be" doing versus what my heart is telling me, I get off track. Perhaps that's why I love writing about following our hearts...because I know personally how difficult that is sometimes when we have this internal battle raging, between our heads and our hearts. Okay, my heart wins...but it's still a battle sometimes. I have come back to life recently, feeling as if I have come out of a daze. My last fade may have been short lived but it was intense. I probably felt the closest I've ever been to a depression. I lost my usual zeal and excitement for life and I felt my heart slipping away. I just felt numb. I pushed away my dreams and distanced myself from thoughts and feelings of what really brings me to life. I slowly neglected my heart for various reasons, some of which have to do with duty and obligations. I was free in my choice to do so but I paid a price for it. There were moments that if I could have painted a portrait of how I felt inside, it would have been of me on the ground, crumbled and in tears. Oh, I managed occasionally to get up and to reconnect...but I'd slowly fade away again. It took all of my energy to have those moments of optimism. That's probably why I just couldn't manage to write. I profoundly lacked the energy or the words to try to inspire anyone. I went into an emotional seclusion. I understand now how people slowly fade away and end up so disconnected. People fade into something they never intended to be. It doesn't happen over night and the longer you dismiss how you are really feeling, the longer you believe the lie you are living. No wonder it's so tough for people to undo the damage they've done to themselves when they have faded into oblivion. I know people like that....loved one's who are so detached and separated from who they really are. Living like that feels empty and like living half dead. I just thank god that I had enough of a reprieve recently to come back to my senses. Tuning my heart back into it's proper course breathes life into me constantly and is the oxygen I was missing. “If you realize what the real problem is - losing yourself - you realize that this itself is the ultimate trial"...(Joseph Campbell). “Only when you are lost can love find itself in you without losing its way"...(Helene Cixous).

Oxygen

“Self-respect is to the soul as oxygen is to the body. Deprive a person of oxygen, and you kill his body; deprive him of self-respect and you kill his spirit"...(Thomas S. Szasz). There are many ways people are deprived of self respect. Sometimes people create their own misery, doubting themselves so much that they lose all respect for themselves. Other times, people are in relationships with others who disrespect them continuously...until the person believes the lies that have been told to them. Either way, when you allow others to influence how you see yourself, you are giving your power away. Once you can clearly see that and reflect deeply about who you really are, then incredible changes are possible. Sometimes the process of honoring yourself is slow and may appear impossible to attain. I came across a plainly painted drum...called Father Sky. The artist had painted it an azure blue....and mounted a feather on the sides of the drum, representing freedom and flight. The drum seemed simple, yet in the depth of the blue, I saw potential, expansiveness and the symbolic message that anything is possible. That drum remained unsold however and it remained hanging on the artists wall. When I went back recently to pick up my new drum, she showed me how Father Sky had changed. She had several dreams and journeys, telling her that Father Sky now needed more work. This time, she used acrylic paints instead of the translucent Indian ink and now the drum radiates change, complexities and interestingly, self respect. How can a drum radiate self respect you may ask? Before, it was a work in progress even though the artist thought it was complete. It sat on her wall untouched for a year until it beckoned her to work on it again. She hesitated to revisit the drum, believing that it was done and was just awaiting the right buyer. She finally listened to her gut, beckoning her to rework the drum. Her intuition prompted her to paint over the plain blue and now the drum has wind and clouds painted across it. The thicker paint reflects a new depth and the tone of the drum has shifted profoundly. Working on that drum made her confront some of her own father issues that she had thought she had put to rest. In fact, the drum taught her that one's work may never be complete and to respect the process of growth. Isn't father sky a metaphor for life. Sometimes it appears that you are not growing or shifting, yet nothing can be further than the truth. Sometimes, in the calm and quiet, we are shifting the most. In addition, father sky beckons us to pick up the paint brush in ourselves and never hesitate to add some more color, depth and detail, when our deepest selves are ready for a shift. The drum reflects our journey of growth....from appearing one dimensional until we are ready for movement. Life teaches us the most sometimes when we are just breathing even as we struggle to respect our own feelings until we take flight. The feather on the drum represents the possibility of freedom at any time. The drum beautifully depicts the journey of self respect and about coming into one's own. Oxygen is the breath of life and gives us hope that change is always at hand, like the sky on any given day that may go from clear to cloudy in a blink of an eye. Don't ever believe that the impossible isn't possible. Change and growth, like breath, isn't visible until the time is right and like the wind...it blows in all sorts of new possibilities. “What oxygen is to the lungs, such is hope to the meaning of life"...(Emil Brunner).

Blown Away

"If you try to be very clever, if you try to be very useful, you will be used. If you try to be very practical, somewhere or other you will be harnessed, because the world cannot leave the practical man alone. Drop all of these ideas. If you want to be a poem, an ecstasy, then forget about utility. Remain true to yourself"...(Lao Tzu). I wrote this quote as my Facebook status today and almost immediately, it apparently pushed someones buttons. A friend wrote that he didn't agree because being useful is a good thing. Yes, being useful is nice but he had missed the entire point. We all spend some time in our lives pleasing others and feeling used along the way. It never feels good to try and please others to prove yourself. In fact, pleasing others at the detriment of oneself, is like constructing a prison cell, thus boxing oneself in, one brick at a time. Being true to yourself is the key point in Lao Tzu's statement. If being useful comes from a place of love and from a genuine place in your spirit versus pleasing others for approval, then wonderful. How many people can honestly say though that they are being true to themselves? I have been humbled over the past year. I broke out of my own self made prison, only to head back into the cell to take a second look and to understand why I ever constructed that darn cell to begin with. It was constructed of poor self worth, other people's expectations, obligations and my own fear of failing. Yet as I feared failing, I grew resentful and angry at myself and others. Now, the me of today can walk back into that cell just to send love to that self of my past who felt that she had no way out. The old me would look out the window and day dream of the day that she would be free. She wondered what it would feel like to smell the flowers, bask in the sun and to sing out loud, not caring if anyone heard her. She worried that she didn't deserve her freedom. She had felt lost and abandoned since birth. Would freedom ever be possible? I can still see the tear stained pillow case, the dreary walls she looked at every day and the hope of a better future. Then she, thus I, garnered the courage to break out...to bust out of that cell and at the time, I never wanted to look back. I busted out of that self made cell and weathered the sneers, the blame and the opinions that I should be imprisoned. I dared to be myself...with no apology. It felt like a gust of wind on a beautiful day, blowing away the pain, releasing the hurt and the fears. The wind also pushed me on to new experiences and different places. I was free. I am only reflecting back now to point out that I can revisit the cell to honor where I've been. My past is something I embrace fully. I know all too well why I felt lost for so long. I can see it all, clear as day. The wind however has shifted my perspective and brought me back to who I was always meant to be. It was no one Else's job to fix those old wounds...it was my cross to bear. I am honored and thankful for everything I have been through. My cell from the past is really an illusion, something I can visit for a moment to say thanks, then it blows away with the wind and transforms into a beautiful tree or a scenic vista. We are one with everything we have been through, because there can be no separation of self. In fact, when you love yourself..you love all that is. Nothing is truly separate. “Wisdom sails with wind and time”...(John Florio).

Count Your Blessings

"God will not permit any troubles to come upon us, unless he has a specific plan by which great blessing can come out of the difficulty"... (Peter Marshall). It's holiday time and I heard the song "Count Your Blessings" today. The theme of gratitude was already on my mind, so the song just seemed very fitting. I have really been thinking long and hard lately about why things happen and truly being grateful for the twists and turns I've been blessed with. Over a week ago, I flew to Connecticut to see clients. When I walked into my house, I intuitively felt that something was wrong but I ran to shower since I was running a little behind schedule. The cold shower tipped me off that something was definitely wrong. I headed to the basement to check things out and much to my surprise, my entire basement was flooded in 3 inches of water. Water was pouring out of my water heater from the bottom. I remained pretty calm, called a neighbor to help me turn the water off and I turned my focus back on my busy schedule. I called the insurance company in between clients, slowly pulled wet things out of the basement and eventually got hold of the insurance and a company specializing in water clean up. As days went by, my work schedule wrapped up and yet I was still waiting for the clean up crew to work its magic. I had to cancel my California obligations as each day passed and the basement was still in turmoil. I took it all in stride that for whatever reasons, the Universe wanted me here in Connecticut a little longer. Although I've missed my kids terribly, we have all learned various lessons from this experience. I have been so grateful for this pause in my life. I didn't realize it at first, but I had been running so fast between all of my responsibilities that I had lost touch with myself. I hadn't been writing much and I'd felt a little numb spiritually. I needed a re-boot, a renewed perspective and to reconnect with a part of myself I had let slip away. The extra time has given me a very special gift....inspiration. I feel completely re-charged. I dealt with the workers, helped with clean up and spent some time journalling, going to a movie, baking cookies and resting. Even though I had thought that I had plenty of time to think in California, I had still lost touch with some important parts of myself. I am also blessed that in staying here, a drum that I had commissioned to be painted called "The Fleur De Lis"...or otherwise known as the tree of life, was ready to be picked up. The shamanic artist texted me that my drum was ready but that I'd have to actually pick up the drum in Connecticut, since it required a special ritual. She had no idea that I was here. My new tree of life drum ironically symbolizes reconnection which grounds us to who we really are at our core. So, I count each and every blessing. In the midst of something chaotic is something beautiful...in the center of turmoil can be a needed opportunity and an unexpected gift. "Change, like sunshine, can be a friend or a foe, a blessing or a curse, a dawn or a dusk"...(William A. Ward).

One Day

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us"....(Helen Keller). I have heard many stories lately from people worried about the future and holding onto past relationships with absolute terror that if they let go of the past, there will be no future. I love Helen Keller's quote because often people hold onto bad relationships too long, so fearful that if they let go, they'll be all alone. What people don't often see is the new opportunities right in front of them. The same goes for jobs, schools they don't get into, and every door that appears to close in a person's life. If people cling to fear, they cannot see the new and amazing opportunities directly in front of them. Fear keeps people frozen and blind. Fear perpetuates the "why not, what if and why me" statements. I know that I have had to take many risks in my life and I've had to navigate through my own self defeating thoughts. I have faced moments where I wondered and yes feared for my future. Here I sit however, reflecting deeply about my present and my future. I feel as if life is cyclical. I am still growing and learning every day yet with each cycle and every turn of the wheel, my intuition gets stronger. Many years ago, I worked at arriving somewhere....a mystical detination that doesn't really exist. In High School, I wondered about all facets of my future including career and love questions. In College, I wondered about the same things. After college, I added kids to the mix but my curiousity remained the same. I thought that one day I'd arrive....make it to adulthood, have all the answers and sit back and relax. Ahhhh, what a nice thought. Now I manage to relax on a hike or at the spa, but my questions remain the same. Someone once said to me a profound statement, that the more knowledge we gain, the more we realize how little we really know. I suppose that's the trick in life, that we never figure it all out. Our journey is to find some kind of peace in the chaos and wisdom from experience. Our journey also is to follow the bread crumbs and to trust that a missed opportunity, a closed door and a new path, may be a blessing in disguise. I couldn't agree more with Hellen Keller's quote...to look ahead and not back, to be curious and to be aware of new doors opening for us. I'm glad that I always ask questions....it always keeps me on my toes. So, even though I have had my struggles lately, I embrace the here and now as well as my unfolding and unknown future. One day, our hearts will get the answers we are seeking. One day, may be today...if we trust our hearts over our heads and know that the unseen holds endless possibilities for us. "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart"...(Helen Keller).

Illumination

"Faith is a passionate intuition"...(William Wordsworth). I've been struggling lately. I'm struggling to find words to express what I'm feeling, struggling to understand some things in life and struggling to remain connected. My faith in the unseen is generally strong but occasionally my faith wavers while I struggle to understand the world we live in. Seeing people clearly is not always a blessing. I understand all too well why people like to live with their blinders on. Seeing things clearly is freeing but it's tough to see how broken and wounded so many people are. People that operate out of pain...hurt others. I'm trying hard to hold on tight to my faith and to continue to allow my intuition to lead the way. It's not always easy. I guess it's true that it's only when we fall apart that our faith is truly tested. Maybe falling apart is a bit overstated, but for me...the eternal optimist, it feels like a massive test. Okay, I like tests. Tests are the times that we get stronger. That has certainly worked well for me in the past. I have coached many people through incredible hardships, only to see them emerge with new found strength and perseverance. We illuminate the way for each other...as each of us overcome our hurdles. With that said though, after one batch of hurdles may come another and yet another, because our journey may require many uphill treks. Sometimes, I need to be inspired as well to help me forge ahead. So illuminate the way. I will find my way in the dark...but flickers of light is what I need right now to help me on my journey. "No my friend, darkness is not everywhere, for here and there I find faces illuminated from within; paper lanterns among the dark trees"...(Carole Borges).

With The Wind

“Love is like the wind, you can't see it but you can feel it"...(Nicholas Sparks). I woke up this morning to a sad e-mail about the mom I wrote about in my last blog article. Her battle with Lou Gehrig's disease ended this week. I was overwhelmed with tears...thinking about her two beautiful 5 year old boys, missing their mommy. I thought about the struggle she went through over the past few years, facing her disease with such courage as her body continued to shut down a little more each day. I thought about her amazing husband, who cared for her in every way and who had to be a single dad much of the time, while watching his once vivacious wife become incapacitated. I saw him this morning at school and even though his sun glasses hid his tears, he smiled and hugged his boys, letting them know that their daddy is there for them and that they'll get through it together. I stood with him and cried as I offered my condolences and we hugged the type of hug that only grief can allow. His wife and the boys mommy is free now....allowed to travel like the wind. No longer mired down in a body that had shut down, she can spread her wings to fly. Now she is free to watch her boys grow from a different vantage point, from spirit. Her love will always be there, like the wind...swirling around her family, reminding them of the woman she was and the love she felt for them. Love does not disappear with death or time. It is the one constant in this world....it is a force like none other. Love survives anything and everything. I know that people often struggle with their own feelings around loss. I've watched as many disappear when a loss occurs. People are so overwhelmed and awkward that they just don't know what to do or say to someone who has just lost a loved one. Being genuine is the best gift you can offer someone grieving...and tears are a genuine part of loss. “Those things that hurt, instruct"..(Benjamin Franklin). “To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness”...(Erich Fromm). “Tears are the silent language of grief”...(Voltaire). I cry today in honor of an incredible soul who has soured out of this world into another. I cry to honor my own feelings of grief....feeling incredible compassion for her family, knowing that they miss her profoundly. I cry because it's really all I can do to express how I'm feeling right now. “Misfortune is never mournful to the soul that accepts it; for such do always see that every cloud is an angel's face"...(Lydia M. Child).

Right Here Waiting

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us"...(Joseph Campbell). I love nature and music. The picture for this article is a beautiful tree I pass every day on my hike. I don't always notice it because often I am lost in my thoughts, noticing other trees or listening to music on my iPod. One day recently, when my iPod was out of power and I was especially emotional, this tree caught my attention. As I admired the simplicity of it's beauty, I was reminded how we often do not notice the beautiful things right in front of us. This tree has always been there, just waiting patiently for me to notice it. Like the 80's song, "Right Here Waiting" by Richard Marx, some things in life are waiting patiently to be discovered. Even parts of relationships remain hidden. In fact, sometimes when relationships appear secure, you may be surprised to realize that there were things you ignored, things you never realized or new aspects that eventually blossom when you least expect it. I talk about love all of the time but now I'm questioning love....or trying to really grapple with some things about love. One thing I know for sure is that the only thing I can truly count on is this very moment. Nothing is sure in this world and so, I don't really plan my future anymore. I live for today. As for love, it's always in my heart but I'm aware enough to know that I cannot control anything or anyone outside of myself. I really do try to just ride the waves of uncertainty. Sometimes the waves are overwhelming and appear threatening and other times, the waves are perfectly calm. I just go with the flow as much as possible. Oh sure, sometimes I question those darn waves and say..."hey, I thought this wouldn't happen." But then, I come back to my senses and try to laugh, even while I may be crying, knowing that this is the way life goes. I went to an event last night for CoachArt, an organization that pairs artists, dancers, musicians and athletes with chronically ill children. I was very impressed with their philosophy. Listening to families tell their stories about their chronically ill children was inspiring. Even the children spoke about their lives with such courage and strength. They are a teachers for all of us...teaching us that life is just uncertain. There are no absolutes and cherish everything you have, even as you are listing the numerous complaints you may have of what you don't have and what you seem to be missing. Even something as basic as one's health is to be cherished if that is what you have even while you may be struggling in other area of your life. A mom at my sons school inspires me as well. She has ALS disease (also known as Lou Gehrig's Disease), an illness which has rendered her unable to move and she is unable to speak. Wheelchair bound, she uses a computer to talk to her kids and even though her mind is as sharp as a tack, her body has pretty much shut down. She cannot even hold and kiss her young boys. I watch her in awe because she is facing her disease with courage. She watches them play and even though observing is all she can do...she does it with pride. You can tell by the look in her eyes that she cherishes every day she has left to at least watch her children. That is what it's all about....facing life with courage and strength and taking whatever comes your way with stride. That mother thought that she'd get to be just like all of the other moms, walking them to school, running errands, cuddling her kids and being there for them as they grow up. Life threw her a curve ball and even though her body will give out sooner than later, she faces each day with gratitude and uses her time wisely. It's all we really have....today. So, my reflection today is that I'm right here waiting for whatever life throws my way. I'm ready because as silly as it sounds, nobody and nothing can ever break my spirit. I love life and I have love and compassion to offer as my gift. I can't take away peoples pain, their heartaches or their fears....but I can try to remind them that this too shall pass and to just be grateful for what they may have going for them. The tree in this article doesn't flinch when storms head it's direction, it just enjoys the sun while its shining and weathers the storms until they pass. It offers shade and peace to those who take notice because those are the gifts this tree can offer. Nature knows that life is beautiful, no matter what the weather shows. Even a good storm can be an amazing sight. "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth"...(Ayn Rand).

From the Other Side

“Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness"...(George Sand). I recently had an in depth discussion with a friend who happens to talk with spirits. Yes....you read correctly. Much like the popular Spirit Channeler's of today, she can have in depth discussions with people who have crossed over. It doesn't really matter whether you believe in talking with spirits or not because the messages from the other side are profound and worth considering. The message was clear and concise and meant to help facilitate understanding and healing. The message was from a family member and he (the spirit) said that as he was crossing over, "before I knew what was happening, a mirror was held in front of my face." The mirror was a direct reflection of the life he lived, the choices he had made and of the souls he had hurt along the way. He was greeted by loved ones who had passed on but was shown immediately, the ways in which he veered off course during his life here. He apologized to me for his error in judgement and for his selfishness. He felt regret and knew that he could and should have done more to help me and others in his lifetime. His realization was clear, that he had grown to care more about money and stuff or "toys" as he put it, than people. He apologized for that and saw clearly that he did not make the most of the life he had been given. What an amazing message really. Eerily, the messages he gave could have come from Ebeneezer Scrooge himself. How many people are living their lives right now, the way he had? So many live selfishly and with little or no regard to helping others. It's not as if people aren't given some nudging or reminders to do the right thing. The problem is that many people choose to continuously turn a blind eye to those reminders and they forge ahead only thinking about themselves. That certainly is their choice, but it's not without consequence. My family member has discovered that even though he is on the other side, free from the burdens of being human...he is still in pain. His pain isn't of the body any longer but he suffers from pain of the spirit. His burden is being able to see things vividly and with such clarity that he's left facing how he hurt many people along the way and didn't do everything within his power to help those around him. I love the message he delivered because it's such a reminder to make the most of this life and to pay attention to one's conscience. Not that having nice things isn't enjoyable in life but more importantly, are there people in your life you've pushed away or whom you could have helped one way or another but haven't? Are you so overwhelmed with over commitments, worrying about what others are doing or thinking or trying to keep up with the status quo that you are living an empty existence? My family member doesn't get a re-do. He made his choices to honor money over people and now he has to face the music, so to speak. His lessons offer healing in that others can learn from his mistakes. This story isn't new however. Inspirational writers, musicians, and spiritual gurus throughout the ages have urged people through all creative mediums to pay attention to love, service to humanity and seeing the beauty all around us. Yet, so many people still bury their heads in the sand and ignore the numerous nudging they receive to reach out to others around them, to connect and to start really living their lives. All any of us can do though is to keep trying to wake people up. Life is full of choices....to live a life with love and forgiveness or to live shallowly and in vain. “If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain; If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Up to his nest again, I shall not live in vain"...(Emily Dickinson).

I Remember Me

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn to do it'...(Pablo Picasso). I just had another birthday several days ago. I meant to sit down and write a blog article that day but the day just whirled by and here I sit trying to capture what this birthday meant to me. Each year, I am incredibly amazed at the growth and changes I've gone through during the previous year. One year ago, I was excited and nervous about the many changes I had been undergoing. Now, I'm very adjusted to living in Southern California and my kids and I feel very much at home here. The weather is my favorite thing because it allows me to hike almost every day. I felt empowered to make necessary changes in my life one year ago, but now I just feel incredibly empowered in every way possible. During the past year, I was thrown back into the dating scene which illuminated things big and small about myself and others. I also eventually got beyond my own struggles and decided that it was time to take more of a leadership role in many ways. As a therapist, I have always loved helping people, but now my heart is guiding me to reach out in service through community which means that I get to discover new and unique ways to offer guidance. Help is an interesting word...I think the word service sums it up best because I just feel that what we all can offer is truly ourselves to make our families, our schools, our communities and our world a better place through our commitment. Just committing to do our part creates a positive shift. It's so interesting to note that there is just nothing more satisfying than making a difference in other peoples lives. I have also been shown lately how our own enthusiasm and positive attitude absolutely inspires others. I put the word out to find women in their 20's, to help with the Girl Scouts in my area. My Service Unit needed more help and heck, there is always a need for Girl Scout leaders, co-leaders and volunteers to help with troops. In a matter of two weeks, I signed on six amazing young women. The irony is that they are going to help inspire young women, yet in the process, they will become more empowered. What a wonderful process. They were a bit nervous about starting troops (something new to them), but like the Pablo Picasso quote above...you learn by doing. These young women remind me of myself in my twenties, so eager and willing to learn. I love passing on the legacy of having things in life that inspire us and help us grow in numerous ways, especially when we are helping others in the process. So, it's been a great year. I'm excited to have discovered a new and renewed empowered me along the way and look forward to the new things I'll learn and grow from over the next year. I remember me...the shy, insecure yet positive girl who dared to keep heading into the unknown. The girl I was and now the woman I am, who refuses to succumb to fear and who will never stop daring to take a risk and learn something new in this journey we call life. "To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself"...(Soren Kierkegaard).

Simon Says

I remember playing the game Simon Says as a kid. As I recall, everyone wanted to be Simon, so much so that sometimes we fought over the honor of being Simon. Being Simon meant that we were in charge, the big cheese, the leader. As kids...it was a big deal to be the leader. As adults though, it seems that most people lose that excitement to be in charge and many become followers. I'm not sure when fear kicked in and it just seemed safer to fade into the background, probably in Junior High School, when self consciousness kicks in. I observe so many adults complaining behind the scenes about everything and everyone, but instead of being a part of the solution, they become a part of the problem. Many will be negative about those brave enough to be in leaderships positions but they will never step up to volunteer or try for those positions. I suppose our current education system doesn't help the situation. It is a system based on creating followers. Children are taught to regurgitate information rather than thinking for themselves. Many magnet school are trying to pave the way for more Simon's and less followers, but most schools still follow the old model of creating diligent followers. The kids today are demanding more however. They want to be Simon's and parents are forced to either fight their children to comply with the system or challenge themselves to find ways for their children to express themselves. I watch parents around me though, so worried about what other people think, suppressing their own voices. How can people teach their children to be empowered if they themselves are not. Following others may be safe, but it's not necessarily the right thing to do. I believe in fighting for what's right, not fighting just to fight. I personally like being Simon. If I volunteer to be Simon, it's because I know that I have something to contribute. I also respect other Simon's. I recently volunteered to become the Girl Scout Service Unit Manager of the unit in my area. I honestly was willing to help out in any way to support anyone who would have volunteered to take over that position, but nobody stepped up. In an effort to see this unit thrive and not take a dive, I stepped up. This is one more role in my life that I'll have to fake until I make it. I will also have to encourage and cheerlead others to become Simon's. In fact, the mission of Girl Scouting in general is to create future leaders. In true Girl Scout fashion, I am stepping up with courage, confidence and leadership. I want my children to see that even if I'm afraid, I step up to help others, help a cause and to make a difference. So, I'd like to think that Simon would say...."The work of today is the history of tomorrow, and we are its makers"...(Juliette G. Low).

Love Hurts

"Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light"...(Jean Giraudoux). The latest song playing repetitively in my household is called "Love Hurts" by Incubus. I loved the song immediately when my nephew played it for us on our recent family trip to Sedona. My oldest son loves it even more though. He makes me play it continuously. He's eleven...what does he know about love and heartbreak. I think about all that he has ahead of him. He'll know about love hurting one day and when he does, the words to this song just might help console him, if only to remind him that the journey of love almost always comes with some lessons in pain. The song reminds listeners though that love is worth the risk because without love, you die inside. Over the past several years, my son had a front row seat to the confusion, break up and reconciliation of his father and I. I'm sure he processed some lessons about love from what he observed. He knows all too well now that relationships are not easy, nor does he have a Disney version of romance. He was happy though that he got the real "Parent Trap" story in his life and that his parents found a way to rediscover love and romance with each other. I've thought about love long and hard and it always seems that love becomes more profound and genuine after loss and pain. It seems that it's only through loss we discover the depths of our love. I see all too often people remaining shallow and distracted with the very people they say they love, only to absolutely crumble when they lose the person they took for granted. Some people remain shallow in relationships to protect themselves from getting hurt. You can run from your fears but you can't hide, because running equates to numbing and avoiding depth. In the end, that race just leads you feeling empty and alone, even in the presence of others. Being around people who are numbing is just truly painful...because I can always feel their incredible avoidance of really feeling. It's sort of like being around an actor who is always on stage. Nothing feels real or genuine around them because they're empty inside and faking life becomes their reality. So...when you challenge yourself to feel...you will inevitably hurt. I also love the song, "Better than a Hallelujah" by Amy Grant, because she expresses how painful feelings are beautiful expressions of our real and honest selves. My son may only be eleven but he already understands that with love comes pain, but it's a worthy price to pay. "Where there is love, there is pain"...(Spanish proverb). “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love"...(Mother Teresa).

Crossing Over

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time"...(Mark Twain). Today's blog article is in honor of my uncle who passed away today suddenly. His death was like his life....on his terms. He died doing something he loved, flying. One could be saddened by this tragic accident, yet in sadness...I respect his desire to keep taking risks, right up until the very end. When someone dies, a strange door is opened and everyone touched by that loss takes pause to reflect about life and death. Each loss reminds us that we are all one step away from crossing over, whether that day be today or many years from now. We cannot live each day in fear of death however. Living a life in fear is living a life half dead. What's the point of that? Death teaches us all that we have a choice to live life to the fullest. People often get mired down in the pain of loss and the fear of death, neglecting the very life they have been given to live. Sometimes deep reflection after a loss is needed however, to honor the life of the loved one who crossed over as well as reflecting about the meaning of life. As strange as that sounds, people are so busy with their daily concerns that they forget what a true miracle life really is. Yet after a loss....people are touched by the opening of deaths door. The opening of that door is an opportunity for healing. We can heal in forgiveness and in taking stock of what we've learned from the life of the person who passed. Every person's life is a lesson and can teach us something, even if those lessons are what we'd do differently. It's so interesting to watch how people are in daze after a death and how they join together in bereavement. A loss weaves family and friends together through their sadness and their reflections. If only for a moment in time, people who have been scattered, come together to honor the life of their loved one. Loss connects us all ultimately because to live is to have lost and no soul is untouched by death. Here are some inspiring quotes about the lessons that death teaches us. “I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - hope always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - love is stronger than death"...(Robert Fulghum). “Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows"...(Pope Paul VI). "We cannot banish dangers, but we can banish fears. We must not demean life by standing in awe of death"...(David Sarnoff). “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy"...(Eskimo Proverb). Living life with love, passion and heart is the lesson I choose to honor from each loss. A person's life is their legacy here and forever leaves an imprint in the lives they've touched. So in honor of my uncle....I say a blessing to remind people to live life fully, with everything they've got. Laugh so deeply that it hurts, don't hold back loving words because you fear rejection and just let yourself feel every emotion fully. Why hold back? Life is but a blink of an eye and will be over before you know it...so enjoy, cry, scream, and love with every part of your heart and soul.

The Reason

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together"....(Marilyn Monroe). I get inspired from many places, numerous people and from quiet moments in nature. Inspiring music touches my soul and people's lives and my own emotions give me unlimited things to write about. I read the above quote from Marilyn Monroe on a friends facebook page. We all can be inspired daily from each other in the most unexpected ways. I just love that about life. I prefer to believe that there is a reason for everything that happens in life. We give life purpose and depth when we appreciate every experience that we go through, including difficult times. Of course it's easy to appreciate life when things are good and flowing nicely. However, its the rough times that make us appreciate the better times even more. In addition, the waves of difficulties we all go through help us discover our unresolved hurts, our vulnerabilities and things we still need to uncover about ourselves. This past year has been illuminating for me. I realized that I had preferred to see people for the way I wanted them to be instead of seeing them for who they are. I guess it's the optimist in me (and therapist) that always sees the persons potential versus just seeing who people are in the moment. Of course people always have the potential to change and transform, but we do not protect ourselves sufficiently if we are seeing what others could be instead of who they are right now. My lesson's have helped me understand more profoundly how everything I've been through was for a reason and I repeat daily that I am grateful for those lessons. More importantly, I see myself more clearly and have come to understand profoundly, what builds me up and nourishes me. Regarding reason though...having faith that there is a higher purpose to everything that happens is different than people trying to rationalize and reason things as punishment, bad luck or feeling helpless because they cannot find a reason as to why bad things happen. The word "reason" is two sided and just like the flipping of a coin....you pick which side youre going to go with. Here are some quotes about reason: “Time heals what reason cannot"...(Seneca). “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man"...(George Bernard Shaw). “The heart has reasons that reason does not understand"...( Jacques Benigne Bossuel). In summary, there is meaning to everything that happens when we write and re-write our lives as epic novels with hardships, love, joy, things to overcome and amazing mountains we climb...only to survive and thrive and to find more mountains to climb. I have realized that the words, "I can't, I shouldn't" and "It"s too difficult" are not reasons to give up or give in and in fact just motivate me more than ever to try harder. The reason for living is to conquer our fears and climb our mountains with courage and love in our hearts.

Uncharted

“Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time"...(Leo F. Buscaglia). I love that life is uncharted territory for me now. What a cool adventure life really is when you allow yourself to be free. Many people do not believe that life is an adventure. Everywhere I travel lately, I've come across many people clearly frozen in their own pain. People's hurts and losses trap them them in an endless sea of sadness and despair. Some are caught up in their own net of anger and frustration which whirls around them and gets vented in occasional storms filled with hurtful words and endless lightening bolts of judgement. If people could just begin to see that they are not trapped at all and that their suffering is self created...then they could begin to embrace their journey versus feeling like victim's. The path of pain and suffering only brings more of the same. It truly is an infinite cycle of pain if that is what one chooses to perpetuate. Being free means gratitude, love and forgiveness. I can clearly see who is trapped and who is free, just by looking into someones eyes. The choice is always yours. While hiking today with my kids, I asked them what their three secrets to life are. My youngest said..."hiking, playing with toys and love." I adore his list because it's so true to his 5 year old perspective, yet such wisdom from such a young soul. In fact, children can teach us a lot. By the time children reach adulthood, they have been conditioned, preached to and filled with other people's distorted perspective's about reality that they forget that as children, they too believed at one time that life was an uncharted adventure waiting to be explored. Who ever said by the way that life would be pain free? Of course pain comes with the territory. We feel it, explore it and move on when we're ready. Getting stuck in our own quick sand of pain helps nobody and prevents movement. I have been stuck before and I had to work hard at getting out of my own quick sand. It wasn't easy and sometimes, I thought that I'd never get out. I never gave up and with that....I learned to never give up on myself. I asked my daughter what her three secrets to life are and she said..."trust yourself, never give up and love your family." She has learned a lot lately about never giving up. She learned how to ride a bike this summer, hiked a very tough mountain two days ago and learned how to kayak alone yesterday. Each time that she cried to give up, I pushed her to continue and she found the strength to keep going until she conquered her own fears. She is learning to trust herself more than ever. I marvel every day at the beauty life has to offer if you just open yourself up to it. If you choose to stay stuck, then okay....but know that you too can free yourself when you're ready. “Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don't leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory"...(Alan Alda).

Our Will

So many of our DREAMS at first seem Impossible, then they seem Improbable, and then when we Summon the Will, they soon become Inevitable"...(Christopher Reeve). As I sit here staring out the window of my Vermont Inn room at Lake Willoughby, the word "will" really struck me. The room has a view of the lake and of Mount Pisgah, a mountain I hiked for the first time two years ago as a trek to summon my own will to make major changes in my life. I didn't know then that in those two years, I'd propel not only myself to change in many ways, but others around me as well. I guess change often sets off a domino effect as it may and others are offered the chance to change. At the time, my marriage was in trouble, I was boxed in by a busy private practice and wanting to spend more time with my three kids. I knew that I wanted a different life and that things just had to change. I certainly had no idea or set course of the outcome except a clear vision of happiness. So, with the force of will as my fuel....I took my first step and every step after, to climb out of the rut I had created in my life. Some changes were small and others were monumental. There were moments that I could have stopped and given into all of the gale force winds of resistance blowing all around me. My husband was less than happy at the time, about all of the changes going on. My kids were scared about uprooting their lives and moving across country. Clients were not happy that I would not be so accessible. Family, including my in-laws, thought that I had lost my mind. Everyone had an opinion and yet....with will and determination, I forged ahead. I watch others get mired down in self pity and thus they stay chained to pain and a vicious circle of confusion and doubt. "Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world"...(Helen Keller). It saddens me to watch people stay frozen in old patterns, but thanks to free will, we each have a choice in whether we move ahead or not. It wasn't easy at times, braving the storm....but my will just wouldn't let me stop. I had doubt occasionally but then I'd remember that my heart had a clear agenda and I had to listen. So here I sit, enjoying the view from my room and as I hiked Mount Pisgah yesterday with my daughter, I left several stones from my favorite California hike, a symbolic offering of how I have come full circle over the past two years. My life is what I had dreamt and hoped it would be. My children made the transition to California and had a great year, learning that they could make changes, make friends and enjoy living in a new place. They also loved seeing me more. I have more quality of life now, I simplified my schedule and hike almost every day. My kids have a happier mommy. While going through a divorce and dating others...my husband and I discovered much about ourselves that had been lost or missing. In a strange twist of fate, we found our way back to each other and now we have the relationship we had always wanted but had previously seemed impossible. I have now discovered that anything is possible. One year ago, my husband complained endlessly about all of the changes I was forcing on him, including a move to California. As it turns out though, my husband now loves California and absolutely adores living there. I am wearing a new wedding ring. It's actually my original diamond in a new setting, representing the beauty of transformation. When we renew our vows in August, our past 20 years together will be infused with a new beginning and a fresh start. Life is funny sometimes and all it takes is a lot of will and the willingness and courage to take the first step toward following your heart. “You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water"...(Rabindranath Tagore).

Mama

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new"....(Rajneesh). I woke up early this morning with words spinning in my head, so I knew I had to get my butt out of bed and start writing, even though I am not a morning person. The theme in my head....being a mom as well as being a daughter. First, I have to say that when my five year old calls me mama...in that sweet little voice, it just melts my heart. I just had to quickly reflect about that. On a more serious note, I have written about my childhood of loneliness and neglect. I never meant to hurt my own mother with those words. It's like the Ashley Judd book that has recently hit the book stores. While claiming her voice and her truth, her mother is haunted about a past she'd rather forget and a daughter's pain, she'd like to white wash. No mother wants to know that she caused pain to her child. I don't believe that a mother means to harm her children with her behavior. A mother gives what love she is able. Some have more to give than others, but they all give the maximum that they can. Most mother's have been wounded in childhood's as well, so they carry on some patterns without intending to. I clearly see that my own mother truly gave what she could and even though it left me wanting and needing more, it taught me many other valuable lessons. I had to mother myself most days and let me tell you, sometimes that was no easy task. Without the imprint in my head of "brush your teeth, wear clean underwear," and such...I had to stumble along, sometimes mothering myself well and other times, not so much. I am proud to say that I wear clean underwear and yes, eventually got on board with brushing my teeth, but other self mothering took some time and lots of practice to take hold. Sometimes I was like little orphan Anne, just wanting to break out in song and play all day. I neglected myself along the way and finally I got fed up with it and had a stern talk with myself. I can't be too mad at my own mom when I didn't always do a great job of taking care of myself. Seems like a huge waste of time to keep blaming parents anyway when all of us, once we hit adulthood, have to take complete and utter responsibility for ourselves. I suppose the lesson of loving myself took the longest to take hold. It took lots of patience to get there, but now it feels so incredibly amazing to feel good in my skin and to genuinely love who I am. I am proud to say that I'm a good mommy to myself now. Now, as a mother...I am still finding my way. I have three amazing souls to nurture and some days, I pat myself on the back and other days I fall into bed so exhausted, wondering if I know what I'm doing at all. Some moments, I look at my three kids basking in pure delight that they are my children until they start fighting, screaming and being sassy and I come back down to earth and wonder how I'm going to get through the day. Mothering is pure joy and pure frustration, wrapped into one. It's not easy to mother and sometimes I have to admit, I drop the ball. I'm not perfect and I make mistakes all of the time. I have to add though that at least my children know that I will own my own weaknesses and I'm always willing to learn. Also, there really is no such thing as mistakes because every mistake is an opportunity to grow and learn. I'm always growing and learning as a mother. I will be learning as a mom until the day I leave this earth. Here are some inspiring quotes about motherhood. "A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie"...(Tenneva Jordan). "Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love"...(Mildred B. Vermont). "The phrase "working mother" is redundant"...(Jane Sellman). "Some mothers are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together"...(Pearl S. Buck). "If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been"...(Robert Brault). I know that some people have lost their mothers and so, I say a special blessing to all of those moms in spirit for they live on in your heart and in your love. A mother leaves an imprint so strong, that even when they are no longer here, their love can still be felt in the air you breathe. To my own mother I say....thanks mom for giving birth to me and for loving me. I'm sorry if my words ever hurt you, because that was never my intention. Sometimes in honoring my own voice, other's get hurt in the process, but know that I love you very much. I send a blessing out to my two sisters as well. One has three children and she knows the journey of motherhood and my other sister is a saving grace and has been a second mommy to my kids, jumping in and helping out in every way possible. I honor my grandmothers as well....because they were pioneer's and all of the women before me paved the way for me to be who I am today. Each generation helps the next in some way and I know that my grandmothers would be very proud of the woman I have become. To my three sweet, feisty children...I love you more than life itself. You are the air I breathe and even though I do throw my hands up in complete defeat sometimes, I couldn't imagine life without you. Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms and to all of the women who love, nurture and care for children in any and every way. My gift to myself and to my own children this Mother's Day? Permission to be themselves, a prayer that they live life to the fullest and lots and lots of love. "I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity"...(Eleanor Roosevelt). "Intense love does not measure, it just gives"...Mother Teresa).

Stronger Now

"To be a warrior is not a simple matter of wishing to be one. It is rather an endless struggle that will go on to the very last moment of our lives. Nobody is born a warrior, in exactly the same way that nobody is born an average man. We make ourselves into one or the other"....(Carlos Castaneda). I have not been writing as much over the past few months but my thoughts of course, have continued to process the endless material that is part of living this life. I hike almost every day now and on my hikes, I take in the incredible beauty of a water fall I pass every day, as well as the birds, lizards, flowers, grass, stones, dirt and butterflies. I process my dreams and try to understand the theme of the day. There is always a theme you see. Sometimes my dreams will set the tone of my day, or my kids or just my mood. Sometimes, the first song I hear on my iPod spins me off in one direction or another. I love the quote at the beginning of this blog article. Every day we have a choice...to be a warrior or to be average and to slip off the radar. I wasn't always a warrior. I had the spirit of a warrior lying dormant inside of me...but it took a lot of work to wake the warrior within and to gain strength and confidence in being a spirit warrior. In my early years, I was a survivor...but I had adapted by fading into the background. I was afraid to be myself and saw myself and life from a very limited perspective. Last weekend, I took my kids to Joshua Tree State Park. What an amazing place. Even more amazing is that I went to college in Riverside, only about an hour or so from Joshua Tree and yet in the seven years I lived in Riverside....I never went to Joshua Tree. What a shame! My other favorite place is Lake Arrowhead, even less than an hour from Riverside and you guessed it, I never went there during those seven years. Now of course, nothing stops me from weekend road trips and visits to spectacular places. Back then though, I was limited in my perspective and I guess I was just surviving. Many people go through life like that, just surviving. Many people live life boxed into roles, jobs and expectations that keep them stuck. It's kinda scary at first when you set in motion the energy it takes to awaken the warrior within. Being a warrior is a lot more fun however and your perspective about yourself and the world becomes more compassionate, more flexible and much, much freer. I love my daily hikes...another example of how becoming a warrior changed my life in numerous ways. My vista's have changed and instead of the daily grind, I commune with nature every day now as well as challenging myself to hike a pretty strenuous trail to get in better shape. One year ago, I imagined what my new life would be like and now....I am living it. Dare to challenge yourself to face your fears and to strengthen the warrior within as well. If there are things you've wanted to try or beautiful places nearby you have not seen, break out of your usual routine and go see them. Do things you've only dreamt of and challenge each and every fear that has stalled you in the past. "You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you cannot do"...(Eleanor Roosevelt).

Power Up

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will"...(Mahatma Gandhi). I really love the word empowerment because within the word is the true key...which is power. The word power means different things for each individual, but it's often misused and misunderstood. Some people often strive for the type of power to dominate or control people or situations. Some believe that power is in money or beauty. Others fear their personal power because they assume it's only the selfish that seek to attain power. Nothing can be further from the truth. Personal power is a god given right. Even the story of Jesus is about a man who dared to challenge the people in power and to follow his heart instead of following the pack. I believe that personal power is our choice to dare to challenge self made prisons, built from fear. Everyone has people around them imposing their beliefs and expectations. Some have tougher prisons to break out of when those bars are made from money or from extreme cultural or religious beliefs. Women in some countries have no rights and if they dare to break out of their prisons, they could be disowned or even killed. I've come across individuals who grew up in wealthy households and even as adults, if they dared to break out of the expectations placed on them from their families, they would lose the money they came to depend on. I've also counseled wives who felt imprisoned in terrible marriages but feared breaking out because they would not have the financial means to support themselves. In some cases, the person's journey is to find empowerment in very tough situations. Sometimes, breaking out is an option and other times, the person can find personal strength within while enduring conflict all around them. Some people have been dealt very difficult lessons and find empowerment through perseverance. I am thinking about people in war torn countries. They cannot escape their fate but they must find strength in survival. Empowerment comes in many forms. I just loved the movie "Soul Surfer." It reinforces the idea that through pain comes great strength and an opportunity to shine. The movie is based on the true story of a teen girl who lost her arm from a shark attack. She was a competitive surfer and thought that her days of surfing were over. The journey takes her from recovery to hope, to giving up, to renewed hope and faith. The message is inspiring because she had every reason to give up on herself and wallow in self pity and anger. She cycled through her pain but stayed aware of each and every lesson that was being offered to her. She didn't let fear win and she has become a shining example of empowerment. So today's message is to power up....by believing in yourself no matter what. If others are criticizing you or attempting to take away your power, let them motivate you more to stay true to yourself. Those who are harshest on us just may be our greatest teachers. The strength within is there waiting for you to become empowered, simply by nurturing thoughts and feelings and taking the steps to honor yourself. "Within each of us is a hidden store of energy. Energy we can release to compete in the marathon of life. Within each of us is a hidden store of courage, courage to give us the strength to face any challenge. Within each of us is a hidden store of determination. Determination to keep us in the race when all seems lost"...(Roger Dawson).

The Bridge

"I am seeking for the bridge which leans from the visible to the invisible through reality"...(Max Beckmann). Once upon a time...there was a little girl. She felt alone, neglected and had to find her own way in the world. Nobody ever asked how she was doing, so she just kept everything in and as time went on, she didn't feel much of anything anymore. Then she became an adult and by some miracle, she was connected enough to somehow manage getting married. She knew that she wanted partnership, a best friend and someone to pull her off the internal island she had created but without the proper skills to build a bridge she was left somewhat clueless about how to create a healthy partnership with her husband. Her husband had some skills that she could learn from. He was more affectionate and outgoing and this helped her gather new skills. He too though was on his own island and although they could wave to each other from their islands and row a boat over for visits, they didn't know how to build a bridge so as to build a stronger relationship. So, they at least weren't completely alone anymore because it comforted them to know they were close enough to each other to wart off the loneliness they had felt growing up. They had some difficulties on their journey. She didn't know how to handle confrontation and he would get angry quick then stonewall. She felt wounded, he felt misunderstood. Neither of them really trusted that someone could actually be there for them, so they attacked or avoided through all problems and then retreated to their islands. He never felt the physical desire and attention he needed and she never felt the emotional attention she needed. They haphazardly gave the other one what they thought they needed, never really listening to each other or getting to the core of their difficulties. They didn't know how to give each other the benefit of the doubt, lift each other up or how to stay positive toward one another. They undervalued each others contributions and felt completely unappreciated. Time marched on as babies were born, their islands drifted further apart. The comfort of at least sharing the sea's together was fading and the row boat was used less and less frequently. Then one day, the distance had become completely intolerable and she couldn't manage to put up with such pain and loneliness any longer. In her pain, she even started to rewrite history....remembering only the painful things and forgetting the strengths that had brought them together in the first place. Since she craved connection and had given up on the idea that any bridge could be built between her and her husband, she decided that they should part ways forever. She soon discovered that she had all types of skills that amazed her. She could get off her island once and for all by boating to the mainland and that's where her sense of connection and confidence grew in leaps and bounds. Eventually, he boated to the mainland too because he had nowhere else to go. As time went by, he grew in confidence as well, because as he reflected about all that he had lost, he saw more profoundly how his behavior had hurt her. This saddened him and more than anything, he missed her and the kids each and every day. As they say...sometimes you don't realize what you have in the palm of your hands until it's gone. She realized this too. She missed their friendship, the way he had made her laugh and numerous other things she had forgotten about. After dating others, they both realized that they had never really flirted together and had been missing a sense of passion and romance in their relationship. She realized that all men have some intimacy issues and difficulty with emotions and that no man is perfect. She became more open and able to develop insight into her own behaviors which had not strengthened the marriage. She simply had lacked the confidence when she had gotten married, to firmly state her needs and boundaries which ultimately sent mixed messages and meant that she often tolerated bad behavior. Her lack of emotional intelligence perpetuated a bad cycle between them. His lack of emotional intelligence meant that he was not in tune to her needs, wants and feelings. Their time apart on the mainland gave them a lot of time to reflect on these issues. One day, during an emotional discussion, he broke down crying....weeping really. He began apologizing for his behavior in the past, explaining that he has always deeply loved her. He said that he had maintained his love for her through all of the ups and downs and even through their separation. He explained that he had never meant to hurt her and that his misguided attempts to connect were wrong and understandably hurtful. He went on to say that he misses her and the kids more than he could ever begin to express with words alone but that he loves her enough to let her go. For the first time in almost twenty years there was no anger, no blaming, no guilting...it was just pure, open, loving emotions. By the end of the discussion, they were laughing and teasing each other....then something amazing happened, they began flirting. A bridge had been built during that discussion without either one of them realizing it. They didn't force it or even intend for it to happen. In their openness, a bridge just appeared like magic. From that moment on, something profound had shifted between them. He asked her out on a romantic date and began courting her slowly, but with care in every word and action he expressed toward her. He started attending to her emotional needs and she suddenly found him incredibly attractive and sexy. They found themselves giving each other with ease, the very things that had been missing in their relationship. With no pressure or expectation...husband and wife, whose divorce was only weeks away from being finalized, started to date. Both have a gratitude now that the simple things in life are so special and important. Recently she took their kids to Disneyland and had him surprise the kids by hiding in the tree house...and in the simplicity of just being together as a family, they found such joy. Now each call, text or interaction is approached with such attention and kindness. The days of contempt, taking each other for granted or being dismissive are gone. They reflect daily about the journey they have been on and what they have both learned from it. The future has not been written....they take each day with loving care and if each day builds on the next, then their new island is the World, for them to explore and go on adventures together. No matter what happens...healing has occurred that will help them move forward with increased clarity and forgiveness. Life is a journey after all and we should all remain open to the infinite possibilities. Never say never!

On The Other Side

"The grass is always greener on the other side, until you jump the fence and see the weeds up close"...(Albert Grashuis). "The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Not at all. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences, carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be"...(Robert Fulghum). We've all heard the many sayings connected to the simple words..."the grass is greener." Sure, the grass always looks greener from one side of the fence. My entire childhood was kind of based on those words. I knew it was pretty tough standing where I was...so one day, I knew that I would be standing in greener pastures. That hope was needed along with a healthy dose of detachment from the realities of my childhood. As I got older however, I struggled staying in the moment because my defenses of "hoping for something better" kept operating, even when I was quite content in my present reality. In college, I was a certified mess...but heck, I was not the only one who lost my bearings in college. I dreamt of a future where I wouldn't have to struggle financially, a career, a family, marriage and peace internally. I was tired of the storms raging inside of me...the storms of discontentment. But looking back...I had a lot of fun during those years. In being lost...I was allowed to find my way. If I had hidden behind the veil of having it all together, I wouldn't have been open to all of the guiding experiences I ended up having. In fact, if I hadn't been so lost, I may not have moved to New York City and that turned out to be one of the best experiences I've ever had. I was never taught though to honor where I was standing while reaching for more. I guess that is one of those lessons that can only be taught by life and wisdom. Over the past six months while dating like crazy...I have had numerous discussions with many people who confess that they thought the grass would be greener on the other side. It's not. It's just different pastures but still requires introspection and yes, work. As fun as the dating scene is in meeting new people, there are challenges. Sure, dating someone new is exciting...then it becomes reality just like everything else. One of my girlfriends complains endlessly about the dating scene because she's tired of the endless merry-go-round dating different men. But while she was married, she had numerous complaints about her husband. Seems she's struggling with being happy within herself. Remember you attract the things, people and experiences that reinforce your internal reality. If you are miserable, not suprisingly, you'll attract men who will be more than happy to add to your misery. If you are happy however...you will attract men who want to add to your happiness and reinforce a positive image of yourself and life. Now, back to "the grass is greener." I believe it's important to walk away from current pastures when it's pretty clear that your present surrounding are impeding your growth. Like a plant that outgrows it's pot...new soil is often required for us to grow and flourish. New pastures still require tending to and as I have learned over the past year....new surrounding often mean more work than ever. I know I was more than ready and willing to face that challenge. When you leave your old meadow for a new one, you have all kinds of new experiences to integrate. You also must then face all of the issues within yourself as you adjust to your new surroundings. There were moments over the past six months that I have to admit, I laughed to myself thinking.."I use to complain that my husband wouldn't do this chore or that and well...now I have to do all of it by myself." Hmmm....it sure made me evaluate how I could have been more appreciative in the past about the things he was contributing. I guess that's just a reality about life....we can always see things more clearly after the fact. So here is my new motto about the grass being greener on the other side. Take in the view wherever you may be because wherever you are at this very moment is exactly where you are meant to be to get you where you're going. The grass is pretty green on this side of the fence and the other...so I've taken the fence down so that the World is now my pasture.

Be Still

“Patience is the companion of wisdom"....(Saint Augustine). I've been reflecting a lot lately about being receptive. I've discovered that the more solid I have become in myself, the less work I have to do to attract the things I want in life. I always thought that I had to work hard at everything and still wondered if I deserved the payoff. Many people struggle with that issue. Many of us come from generations of people who had to work hard in life. My grandparents had a very strong work ethic and their parents had it even harder. I suppose every generation improves on the lessons of their elders. I'm not saying that effort is still not necessary but I am living proof that the more secure you are with yourself, the easier life becomes. In dating, I have seen that more than ever. I sit back now and let the process come to me. I don't question my value and worth. I know I've got a lot to offer and that the people I need to learn the most from, will cross my path. Sometimes in fact, if we trust in the process, we just might be surprised what comes our way. I know many women who put too much effort into dating and they end up disappointed over and over. They fear that they won't find the right person instead of just trusting the process. Even a simple coffee date can help you or the other person learn something valuable which helps you grow in some way. The same can be said with friendships, jobs and chance meetings because every experience is another chance at learning something new. Also, when you project fear, you attract the very thing you fear instead of attracting what you want. That is why the more receptive you are, the more you are trusting yourself and life to unfold in the way that is ultimately the best for your optimal growth. Instead of trying to navigate the entire process, sit back and see what comes your way when you hold a positive yet open image of who you are and where you are heading. My lesson then from all of this reflection? Life is the art of being versus doing. Being means receptivity versus active searching. I believe that we receive more when we are still. Simply stated....accept vs seeking, chasing, pursuing. There is no doubt a time for pursuing, but you have to listen to your heart as to when to seek and when to stay still. Active stillness reflects a true confidence and trust in life. Active stillness means deep reflection about what you want and learning from each and every opportunity and experience that comes your way. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions"...(Unknown).