Lunch With Friends

Today I had lunch with my girlfriends. It is so interesting to observe the many changes in us and our lives over the past 13 years. We met in grad school prior to marriages, kids, and mortgages. Now, instead of chatting about movies and restaurants, we are talking about our spouses, parenting and school systems. Many years ago, we might have judged a mom who would have given her child crackers in church to keep him quiet, now we completely understand. We all agree that we have learned more about ourselves from parenthood. We have all done a lot of self help, yet our children have illuminated more about who we are than any amount of therapy ever could. Parenthood is an amazing journey. As with any journey it is filled with ups and downs, moments of bliss and times of frustration and exhaustion. Children will reflect back to you your fears and doubts, your vulnerabilities and style of communication. Children are born with their own unique temperament but are also heavily influenced by the tone of their environment. I often observe babies and toddlers with their parents and the children usually reflect a similar disposition as one of the parents. Friendly child, friendly parent. Grumpy child, grumpy parent. Shy child, shy parent. Parents often get frustrated when they see personality traits in their children they try to deny or reject in themselves. The challenge is to not judge the child, but reflect on where those traits come from in you. Parenthood forces you to really look at who you are. Children do not become anxious or sad out of the blue. What has been going on in their environments and lives that needs some reflection. One mom I counseled was extremely anxious, but hoped she hid it well from her children. Well no such luck, the children started displaying some fears and worries because no matter how much you try to hide things, children can still feel it. The parent-child relationship can really only be as healthy as the parent. Parent's are teachers and the guides. Whatever the parent has not dealt with will surely show up in the child one way or another. In fact, all adults have an opportunity to be positive role models and guides to children as aunts, uncles, babysitters, friends, grandparents and teachers. The lesson, if you are around children, observe yourself more carefully and commit to helping yourself grow. Every step you make in insight and awareness eventually gets passed onto the children. Often adults sometimes over correct a situation by doing the exact opposite as their parents. The problem may still surface though, even if it looks a bit different. The underlying issues still need to be addressed in the adult. So, my girlfriends and I talked for hours about the demands and joys of parenthood and all of us agreed that we welcome the challenge because the joys far out way the difficulties. "Joy is a net of love by which you catch souls (Mother Teresa)." As with parenting, the pot of gold is nurturing a soul with love, guidance and inspiration. There is nothing more rewarding than that!